One Brick at a Time....

I have been reflecting on the effects of having a strong familial foundation and a never ending safety net.  I have encountered several recent experiences which have exemplified the profound and life long impact, the presence or absence of these factors can have in shaping our lives.  I have grown up knowing, undoubtedly, that my family is always available if I need them.  If I experience heartache, financial difficulties, health problems, etc. I know I will always have a home to go to and people who will take care of me, regardless of my circumstance.  I am loved, supported, and accepted unequivocally by my family, which allows me to freely embrace who I am without feeling shame about my ever-changing self. 

Throughout my life I have done many things people describe as brave.  While in college I studied abroad in Ecuador for a semester. Since then I have travelled to many countries throughout the world, sometimes solo, despite not speaking the language.  I have moved to various states, without knowing anyone.  After being married for 5 years to my high school sweetheart, I came out as lesbian and dated women exclusively for many years.  I then, unexpectedly fell in love with a man, and once again came out as a queer woman who is now happily partnered with a straight man.  I realize these are courageous decisions; overtime I have come to recognize feeling safe, loved, and accepted affords me the confidence to be courageous.  My parents so freely offer praise and encouragement, it wasn’t until adulthood that I understood the value of their selflessness and the rarity of this kind of love and its longstanding impact.

I have been reminded how fortunate I am to have grown up feeling safe in this world. I implicitly trust I will be fine, and usually a better person with each new experience.  I do not fear the unknown, rather I seek it out, all the while, knowing I always have a place where I can return.  This is yet another one of my privileges which has come to light in my unfolding awareness.  This sense of safety also brings a willingness to be vulnerable.  

I am grateful to know the depth of ever-growing love that comes from being vulnerable and authentic.  I believe it is only when we feel self-worth and acceptance that we take the risk to love with our whole hearts. If these qualities are not woven into the fabric of our being, we can spend a lifetime searching for them, while simultaneously trying to protect themselves from being hurt.  Without feeling safe, people are afraid to reveal themselves, fearing they are inadequate and believing this inadequacy will inevitably lead to heartache.  Sadly, they do not protect themselves from being hurt.  Rather, in many cases, they eventually push people away causing the very pain they attempt to avoid and deny themselves the opportunity to know real, true, and unconditional love.  

Our lives are shaped by the foundations upon which we stand. Whether we view the world from a place of fear or embrace the wonder if offers depends so much on if our feet are planted firmly on solid ground or if we are balancing on disintegrating bricks. This awareness inspires me to find compassion for others who are paralyzed and cannot move from their crumbling foundation, patience for those who have the courage to rebuild their foundation one brick at a time, and reminds me to feel gratitude for the confidence to love wholeheartedly and to live each day fully.  I am hopeful I pass on the gift of unconditional love and acceptance my parents so generously give to me so others may know such infinite beauty.